Dealing with the In-Laws

My mom and my grandma (her mother-in-law) have a very strained relationship. That is putting it nicely. It all started when my parents were newly married. They were living Utah at the time, where my dad’s parents live. My grandma insisted that they come home every weekend, even though they were living two hours away. My mom could not take the pressure and over-involvement of her new mother-in-law, plus she was feeling homesick, so my parents moved to Texas. I don’t think my grandma ever forgave my mother for this.

In this week of my marriage and family class we read material that looks at how the parents of a newly married couple should behave towards their children. All of the reading material talked about how even though the new couple is still a part of the family, they are branching off and starting their own family. They do not have to answer to the rules or expectations of either family anymore. They are to leave their mothers and fathers and cleave unto one another as husband and wife. They are supposed to look to their new spouse before they look to their parents. They are supposed to honor their spouse before they honor their parents. Putting your spouse first is the way you can make marriage work. I know my dad did this with my mom. He has always stood up for my mom against his mother, and he has set the standard for me of what kind of marriage I need to have.

Parents can help the new couple by leaving them to their own devices. Make it clear that you are there for them if they need your help, but give them space to make their own choices.

Seeing my mom’s relationship with my grandma always made me worry about my own relationship with my future mother-in-law. I hope that I love her, but I realize that it doesn’t matter so long as I have the support of my spouse. If we depend on each other and look to one another we will be able to successfully make our own family.

Becoming One

We often hear in the scriptures the idea of two becoming one. The two shall come together and twain be one flesh, so to speak. How in the world is this possible? Marriage involves two very different people trying to come together and make it work most of the time. We all have our different backgrounds and tastes. We all see the world a little bit differently. No two people are going to exactly agree on everything. So how can we keep this commandment to become one in purpose?

Elder Henry B. Eyring answers this question in his talk “That We may be one.” He says, “When people have the spirit with them, we may expect harmony.” So the simple answer is that we must follow the spirit. I believe this to be true. I believe that the spirit can lead us, guide us, and aid us in becoming one. When we have a difference of opinion with our spouse, we can seek answers from Heavenly Father through his spirit. The question is, how can we make sure that we have the spirit with us. I have a few ideas.

The first idea is to have weekly family home evening and daily family scripture study. These activities will bring you closer to every member of your family, and especially your spouse as the two of you work together to bring spiritual teachings into your home.

The second idea is to have daily family prayer. I suggest that you do this in the morning before everyone heads out for the day. Prayer teaches us humility and awareness of others and invites the spirit into our homes.

One final idea I have is to make sure that any entertainment you consume will allow you to keep the spirit in your home. This may mean foregoing that TV show you love or getting rid of that song with that one cuss word. Trust me; it will be worth it because when the spirit is in your home you will feel so much more joy and peace.

We should all make it a goal to keep the spirit in our lives as much as possible. When we do this, the spirit can guide us and soften our hearts so that two truly can become one.