Avoid Marrying the Wrong Person

According to Elder Oaks and Elder Faust, divorce is something that is very strongly discouraged in the LDS church. We do not get divorced when marriage becomes difficult. We do not break apart the family because the spouses simply can't resolve their differences. The leaders of the church encourage couples to work through marital problems and seek counsel from their bishop. Oaks explains that he has often found that the couples who work to keep their marriage intact often find that it is stronger than it was before. Divorce is necessary in some circumstances, such as a story Elder Oaks mentions about a newlywed couple in the Phillipines. The husband left, abandoning his wife. There are times when divorce might be necessary, such as when one of the spouse's is unfaithful or abusive; however, aside from these special circumstances the church strongly encourages its members to stay married.

One thing Elder Oaks suggests to prevent divorce is avoiding marrying the wrong person. This makes sense that we would try to avoid marrying someone who would leave us or hurt us. Of course, we may not always be able to tell that a relationship will ultimately go downhill. And we shouldn't blame someone for their marriage not working out. But, we should do as much as we possibly can before we get married to make sure that we are marrying the right person. One of the biggest, most important things we can do to ensure we are going down the right path is pray about it. We can pray about the person to our Heavenly Father and we can ask if this person is a good choice for us. Heavenly Father hears our prayers. He will listen and guide us accordingly. Ask and you shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you. If you do this, Heavenly Father will lead you to the best possible spouse for you. 

As a single woman, I do all I can to apply this counsel into my own life. I am terrified of marrying the wrong person, and so I am very prayerful about the men that I date. Not just because I am afraid of divorce, but because I know what my ultimate goal is. I want a marriage and a love that will last forever, and I want to find that someone who is willing to work with me every day to make our marriage work. I know that as I pray and seek to know my Heavenly Father's will and His counsel, He can help me find the best possible spouse for me.

Love is not a Fairytale

Love is not a fairytale. I know I chose the most cliched title ever! But before we get into this, let me start by introducing myself.

Hi! I'm Jensen Argyle. I am a college senior studying English with an emphasis in creative writing. I am 21 years old and I am single. That's right, I'm not married. So why in the world am I writing a marriage blog then? Good question. Well, I am taking a class on marriage and hopefully that will help me to understand a little bit more about marriage. I am not saying that I am suddenly going to be the marriage guru, but hopefully there will be some interesting and insightful things I can learn and share with you.

So let's start with some things I am learning and began learning before I started this class. First I need to share something quite personal about myself. I may not be married, but I am in love. I also really hope he doesn't find this blog. Anyways, in the past few months I have learned quite a few things that will hopefully carry over into my married life. The most important thing I have learned is that love is not always easy. In the past, when I was in love, I was completely blind in adoration. I did not see the other person's faults and to me this is person was perfection personified. This time is a little different. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love and adore this man I am talking about. He is everything to me and I hope that he is the one I get to spend forever with. But he is not perfect, and I am very aware of his flaws this time around. There are days when I still love him, but I absolutely do not like him. He is driving me nuts and I can't take it anymore. There are some days when I am wondering why I bother putting so much effort into our relationship. He is not showing me the love I feel I deserve. And then I pray about it. I pray about him, pouring my heart out to my Heavenly Father and expressing everything that I am feeling. In the moments after I pray, something wonderful begins to happen to me. The spirit touches my heart. It soothes me and heals all of the parts that are hurting. And it reminds me how much I love this man. He is someone I have committed to, someone who I want to spend forever with. In the past months that this has been going on, I have been feeling a change in me and the way I see relationships.

What I am learning in this experience is that marriage is going to be very, very hard. There is no such thing as prince charming. The man I marry will be flawed, just like I myself have flaws. And because he will be flawed, there are going to be days when he makes me angry, unintentionally hurts me, or drives me insane. I am learning that on those days where nothing in my relationship is going right, I can turn to Heavenly Father and He can help see me through. He can heal me and give me the stamina I need. Most importantly, He can remind me of how much I love the man I have committed to and why it is so important to continue trying. I am so grateful for these lessons that I get to learn now in better preparation for marriage. I know that as long as I turn to my Heavenly Father and try to include Him in my personal relationships, He will help me succeed. And I know that by drawing closer towards my Heavenly Father, I also draw closer to the person in that relationship.