Marriage as a Divine Calling

I had never really thought of marriage as a divine calling. I always thought of it as something that happened when two people fell in love. It is that, but it is also a divine institution created by God to refine you and help you become who you need to become.

I used to think of marriage as something that may or may not happen for me. If it happened it happened. There was nothing I could do to control it. While this is mostly true, knowing what a divine role marriage is meant to play in my life makes me want to play more of an active role in trying to get there. It makes me want marriage so much more than I did.

It makes sense to me that marriage is a divine institution that plays a pivotal role in our growth and development here on Earth. Everything we do here is meant to help us grow and become more like our Heavenly Father. If marriage was appointed by Him, it must be important and intended to help us become like Him and draw closer to Him. It is something that is eternally lasting and one of the things we must do in order to return to Him. This, to me, makes marriage more of an ideal goal, something to word towards, uphold, and protect.

Now what does this mean for those of us who may never marry? Who may be doing everything they can to achieve that ideal goal, but never attain it here in this life? Does that mean that Heavenly Father loves that person any less because they were not blessed with that celestial blessing that allows growth and becoming? Absolutely not! Heavenly Father loves each and every one of His children and He wants each of us to come back to Him. But marriage truly is one of those things we have no control over whether or not it happens to us because it involves the agency of another person. Heavenly Father may be all-powerful but He will not take away another person’s agency. But He will always love you. And even in the single life, we can still uphold and look to an eternal marriage. Because ultimately we will all have celestial marriage, whether in this life or the next.

Getting Reacquainted with your Spouse

Are you the same person you were five years ago? I didn’t think so. How about a year ago? Probably not. Even if you feel like you are generally the same person you were, every day you are changing and evolving. You are exposing yourself to new things. You watched a new movie that you liked or didn’t like. You started that new Netflix show. You found a new food you really like. Every day we are adding to the make-up of who we are. If we are constantly changing so much, how are we possibly supposed to keep up in our marriages? How are we supposed to truly know our spouse when he/she is changing every day?

That is why we must commit to getting to know our spouse every day. It requires consistent effort on our part, asking questions in order to get to know them and who they are becoming. The moment we think we’ve got them down is the moment we should pause, because we probably don’t know them as well as we think we do.

One fun way of doing this is playing get to know you games. Dr. John M. Gottman has quite a few great ones in his book The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work. Make getting to know your spouse fun and an adventure.

Now the question arises: why? Why would we put so much time and effort into truly getting to know our spouse? Why does it even matter? Well, according to Dr. Gottman doing this fundamental thing of getting to know your spouse will help you in your marriage when times are getting rough. It helps because there will be fewer problems with communication. You will know your spouse better than anyone else, and you will know how to work together to get through those rough times.

So commit today to get to know your spouse better than anyone. Play get to know you games. Take the the Love Language test (more than once, I have found that my love language constantly evolves.) I promise you that it will be worth it.

Marry Your Best Friend

 Actions for 'Marry Your Best F

Previous Next 

This page automatically marks posts as read as you scroll.

Adjust automatic marking as read setting

In all honesty, I never understood the concept of “marrying your best friend.” I didn’t want to marry my best friend. I wanted to marry my true love. I never thought I would marry my best friend. I always thought I would meet someone, fall unbelievably in love, we would immediately know we were right for each other, get married, and live happily ever after. Even though I am nowhere close to getting married, my thoughts on the subject have changed a little. Now I know I want to get married

to my best friend, because according to Dr. John M. Gottman, “happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.”

This makes sense to me. A marriage and romantic relationship should be built on the solid foundation of friendship. Why? Because friendship allows us to have a deeper understanding of the other person. It allows us to form a connection and true knowledge of that individual. According to Gottman, friendship is helpful in marriage because allows the expression of love in “small gestures day in and day out.” This gestures can be as small and simple as texting to check up on them, asking how their day was, and consistently inquiring about the parts that make that person up. Couples tend to forget how important this solid foundation is, believing that marriage should only center on big romantic occasions such as going out to dinners or having lavish anniversaries. The problem with this is that they are infrequently working on building that relationship and lose that understanding they once had of each other. Focusing on the friendship requires consistent, small, everyday efforts to sustain the relationship. Like I said, this is ultimately the best thing a couple can do for their marriage. It makes conflict in marriage much smoother because the couple has that deeper knowledge of each other, and so there are fewer misunderstandings and miscommunications.

This is not to say that romance is not important or necessary in a marriage. Obviously, romance is very important in marriage. After all, falling in love is what made you want to get married in the first place. But the success of a marriage is ultimately dependent on sustaining a lifelong friendship.

Men and Women Need Each Other

Elder Bednar teaches two very important concepts in his talk "Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan". The first is that men and women were not intended to be alone, but together in marriage. The second is that men and women complete each other and both bring something into an eternal marriage that will help them achieve celestial glory. 

I love the first point because it brings me comfort. Heavenly Father did not intend for us to be alone, he wants us to be in eternal marriages. In fact, it is a commandment to be married in the temple. Without this crucial covenant, we cannot achieve exaltation. There are, of course, those who will not have the blessing of eternal marriage in this life. I know many such people. I have an Aunt who is fifty years old and has never been married. My family tends to pity her because of her marital status. I used to shudder at the thought of being like her. I feared being alone for the rest of my life, feeling like my personal success in life was dependent on whether or not I married. Now I know better. I know that even if I don't get married in this life, I can and will in the next.

Heavenly Father's intention is not for us to be alone forever, and His plan is perfect. If we do not get married in this life, we have the opportunity to marry in the next. This concept fits so perfectly with the idea of a loving Heavenly Father who cares for His children and wants them to return to them. Of course, he would provide another way if they could not achieve all that they hoped they would in this life. This knowledge brings me such peace, knowing that no matter what happens my Heavenly Father will always take care of me. 

The second point I really liked from Elder Bednar's talk was the fact that men and women complete each other. The traits of women are divinely different from men, and vice versa. I love this idea, because as romanticized as it may seem, it is also very true. Men and women are different and intended to be so. Each has traits that the other needs. They are like puzzle pieces that, when matched up, help complete the puzzle and everything makes sense. 

Defenders of Marriage

Some might see it as superfluous to attempt to continue to champion traditional marriage. The battle is already lost, gay marriage has already been legalized right? Well actually, wrong. We should still continue to fight for what we believe in, even if the world disagrees. Marriage between a man and a woman is important. It is ordained of God and is the designated means by which his spirit children can come to Earth and receive mortal bodies. It was instituted when he married Adam and Eve that special commandment to multiply and replenish the Earth, something that is only possible between a man and a woman. It is His plan for man and woman to join together in holy matrimony, so that by that appointed means His spirit children may come to this Earth.

That is why we must still make a fight and a stand for traditional marriage. Not out of hate or spite for those who are homosexual, but out of love for the Lord and His plan. We have to protect the things that are sacred. We have to continue to fight for what we know to be true.

This is all important, but we must remember to be respectful. We cannot condemn or hate those who live differently from us or have different ideals. I have a dear friend who has recently come out as gay, and she now lives with her girlfriend. This friend is very aware of my beliefs, as I have shared them in a respectful way. The funny thing is, I didn't have to be in her face about my beliefs. I simply lived according to the way I knew I was supposed to live and my friend noticed my example and asked questions. Because of this, I had the amazing opportunity of sharing my beliefs with her. When she came out as gay, she called me and expressed how she hoped that there would be no hard feelings between us. I told her that while I may not agree with the way she chooses to live her life, that does not mean that I do not love her and that we cannot be friends. We still stay in contact regularly and it is one of the most precious relationships I have.

We can only advocate what we know to be true. We must do so in a respectful way, i.e. in such a way that the spirit can be invited in. That might mean listening to the other side’s argument. It might mean staying silent but firm when facing opposing viewpoints. We can stand true to what we believe without bringing the spirit of contention. We can share our beliefs without adding to the confusion and frustration and the world. And if we teach with correct principles and the spirit, hopefully the world will listen. The most important thing we can do though is love. Unconditionally love.