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In all honesty, I never understood the concept of “marrying your best friend.” I didn’t want to marry my best friend. I wanted to marry my true love. I never thought I would marry my best friend. I always thought I would meet someone, fall unbelievably in love, we would immediately know we were right for each other, get married, and live happily ever after. Even though I am nowhere close to getting married, my thoughts on the subject have changed a little. Now I know I want to get married
to my best friend, because according to Dr. John M. Gottman, “happy marriages are based on a deep friendship.”
This makes sense to me. A marriage and romantic relationship should be built on the solid foundation of friendship. Why? Because friendship allows us to have a deeper understanding of the other person. It allows us to form a connection and true knowledge of that individual. According to Gottman, friendship is helpful in marriage because allows the expression of love in “small gestures day in and day out.” This gestures can be as small and simple as texting to check up on them, asking how their day was, and consistently inquiring about the parts that make that person up. Couples tend to forget how important this solid foundation is, believing that marriage should only center on big romantic occasions such as going out to dinners or having lavish anniversaries. The problem with this is that they are infrequently working on building that relationship and lose that understanding they once had of each other. Focusing on the friendship requires consistent, small, everyday efforts to sustain the relationship. Like I said, this is ultimately the best thing a couple can do for their marriage. It makes conflict in marriage much smoother because the couple has that deeper knowledge of each other, and so there are fewer misunderstandings and miscommunications.
This is not to say that romance is not important or necessary in a marriage. Obviously, romance is very important in marriage. After all, falling in love is what made you want to get married in the first place. But the success of a marriage is ultimately dependent on sustaining a lifelong friendship.
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