Are you the same person you were five years ago? I didn’t think so. How about a year ago? Probably not. Even if you feel like you are generally the same person you were, every day you are changing and evolving. You are exposing yourself to new things. You watched a new movie that you liked or didn’t like. You started that new Netflix show. You found a new food you really like. Every day we are adding to the make-up of who we are. If we are constantly changing so much, how are we possibly supposed to keep up in our marriages? How are we supposed to truly know our spouse when he/she is changing every day?
That is why we must commit to getting to know our spouse every day. It requires consistent effort on our part, asking questions in order to get to know them and who they are becoming. The moment we think we’ve got them down is the moment we should pause, because we probably don’t know them as well as we think we do.
One fun way of doing this is playing get to know you games. Dr. John M. Gottman has quite a few great ones in his book The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work. Make getting to know your spouse fun and an adventure.
Now the question arises: why? Why would we put so much time and effort into truly getting to know our spouse? Why does it even matter? Well, according to Dr. Gottman doing this fundamental thing of getting to know your spouse will help you in your marriage when times are getting rough. It helps because there will be fewer problems with communication. You will know your spouse better than anyone else, and you will know how to work together to get through those rough times.
So commit today to get to know your spouse better than anyone. Play get to know you games. Take the the Love Language test (more than once, I have found that my love language constantly evolves.) I promise you that it will be worth it.
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