Anger is a Choice

In his talk “Agency and Anger” Elder Lynn G. Robbins talks about how anger is actually a choice. This seems odd. I know that when I feel angry it is a natural reaction to outside forces acting on me. Robbins argues that the idea that we are a slave to our anger is one of Satan’s greatest lies. After experiencing a situation that caused me to be angry, and choosing to not be angry but instead reach out in love, I know that what Elder Robbins teaches is truth.

There was a guy who I was absolutely in love with. We were good friends. I have a particularly flirty roommate, and she knew how I felt about him, but that didn’t stop her from hardcore flirting with him in front of me when he would hang out at our apartment or when we went out on group hangouts, and this really hurt me. I confronted my roommate twice about her actions and how they were affecting me. I wasn’t trying to attack her, I was simply trying to express to her that her actions were hurting me. Both times she blew me off. She told me that she didn’t care how I felt, this is who she is, and if I wanted to be her friend I would just have to learn to accept it. Admittedly, the second time I said some choice words to her and stormed out of our apartment, where I proceeded to burst into tears. Confrontation is very hard for me. This was the first experience I had really had dealing with someone who absolutely did not care about my feelings and was unapologetic about hurting me. She never did apologize sincerely to me, and it came down to me. I had to decide what I was going to do.

Over the next few weeks I made the decision that I was going to kill her with kindness. I was going to be the bigger person and not let her actions prevent me from reaching out in Christ-like love. Whenever she would do things to purposely hurt me, I turned the other cheek.I chose to not let her anger me. Instead, I reached out to her with kindness.  I encouraged her in her goals. I built up her self-esteem. I learned to love her in spite of the way she treated me.

This experience prepared me for my own future marriage. I learned that even in the closest relationships, your partner/friend can do things that hurt or annoy you. Through this experience, I learned that anger got me nowhere. When I reached out with kindness, love, and service thought, the relationship was much improved and I felt better about myself. Marriage is about giving and loving all that we can, and thanks to this roommate I learned to love completely selflessly someone who did things that hurt and annoyed me.