The Shift of Roles in Marriage

Dr. John M. Gottman points out that one of the great problems affecting modern marriages is the fact that gender roles in marriage are shifting. Traditionally, men had the role of being the provider of the home while the woman was the nurturer and homemaker. More and more women are entering the workforce and complaining to their husbands about how they are not taking an active role in the home. This shift in roles can be understandably confusing.

I know have seen this type of confusion in my own life. I grew up in a home where parent’s played out the traditional roles.  My dad brought home the bacon and my mom was the homemaker. Due to modern society, there was a lot of confusion in the home. I remember that my mother would complain to my father all the time about how she was not a maid and that he needed to take a more active role in cleaning and taking care of the home. This was very frustrating for my father, who already spent the whole day working. I compare this to another couple I know, and have spent much time in their home. This couple has drawn a clear line between their individual responsibilities. The mother is clearly responsible for the rearing of the children, while the husband is responsible for providing for the family. Because the wife knows and accepts her role, she has no expectations of her husband to do the role that she has chosen. She does not complain to him at all. Because of this, I have noticed that he willingly chooses to help her in the home. This is an interesting observation to me and tells me that when we do not have nagging expectations of our partners, they are more likely to help you.

Ultimately the world is changing and the definitions of marriage change every day. I think the best thing you can do for your marriage is drawing a clear line right now for what your role will be as a caretaker and provider. That way there will be less strife in the home because you and your partner both know your respective roles.